And it's horrifying.
Google search results make you feel like you have a life threatening disease. You click on an article and see that although the symptoms you have may be for a particular illness, they could also be for X, Y and Z. And what do I do? I click and click. I want to learn, I tell myself. I want to be aware. Then I end up tossing and turning in bed in worry and fear. I still don't pick up the phone though, because if I'm honest I know deep down it really is nothing. I guess I'm one of those people who has to worry to feel alive? Do I make sense? I need to worry to feel like I'm doing something about a situation, as if worrying in itself ever gets anything done.
When the oft little and meaningless symptom is over, I'm back to my usual self. Hooray, death is not imminent after all, I shall live to conquer the world! I then forget about the whole thing and get on with life.
Having had enough of being unkind to myself, I decided I was going control this urge to use google as a medical consultant. I made a considerable effort this summer only for a cold sore to strike last week. Of course I've had one a zillion times in the past, mostly when I'm menstruating and going through a considerable amount of stress simultaneously, but I couldn't help myself. I was miserable so I went online looking for remedies when I know fully well that there are no remedies for this bitch, just your usual 'i got rid of it faster' vague anecdotes. There was the ice~on~sore trick, the keep~it~moisturised trick and even the apply~toothpaste~on~it trick - yes really, I mean the things that people 'try and test'. So which was it? I wanted to get rid of the thing as soon as possible. I failed at trying all of the above and because of that I now have the slowest healing cold sore ever since I can remember getting one when I was a child. Argh. I want my eerm...time wasted on the internet back? A case of too much tampering?
Google you've been great, but I've learnt my lesson now. I will be reaching for that phone next time - not because of a cold sore of course, but for other mildly important things, I'd rather be accused of wasting the doctor's time than endure prolonged and needless pain.
Go on, share your little foibles!